So you are a programmer, work whole day in front of a computer, do your shopping online, pay your bills online and file your IT return online and so you thought you will also be able to renew your passport online? Ha ha ha come back to the real world dumbass!

You think you are very smart and you will be able to save some time and not have to stand in a queue by filling a passport application form online? No you idiot! There’s no escaping the queues. It doesn’t matter if we let you fill a form online and give you a date and time to come and submit your papers. It doesn’t matter whether we write on our website that you can submit your application anywhere – a regional passport office or a passport application collection center. You have to somehow magically figure it out that we accept it only at our regional passport office and boo ya if you ended up visiting your nearest collection center and wasting your appointment and time.

You see you IT type people really think you can do everything online and electronically like they do in the west and think you will be able to save your precious time. Huh! NO my boy! This is India and we are public servants – heck we are public’s masters, YOU are our servants. We will make you feel as miserable as we can before we will do anything for you get that?

So if you wanna file your damn application at this center come at 7 in the morning, stand in a queue for a couple of hours, at 9 we will give out only 50 tokens and then entertain only those lucky few. If you aren’t one of them, screw you. Get lost and come back tomorrow.

Whatever is written on this URL about online application procedure is bullshit. Come on dude, you are 30 and you have been living in this country for as long, you gotta see this coming. Don’t be so naive!

Listen we really don’t give a fuck about the value of your time. Man, value of time? Where did you hear that term? At some comedy show? See we are stuck here in this mundane job and we will be doing this for the rest of our life so don’t bother us with all those rosy notions of yours. The rules are written on the notice board, read them and fuck off.

That’s my experience with trying to file my passport application online. I had gotten my passport when I was 15. Now I want to change my photo, address and signature on my passport. I landed up on India Passport’s website  and was delighted to know the procedure can be done online.

I filled up the form, I got a date and time to visit a passport office and submit my papers. I collected all papers and today on my appointed date and time visited the nearest passport application collection center at Kandivali. There I was told it is accepted at Worli not there. If I want to submit it there I have to come at 9 and get a token. That’s it. No arguments. We don’t know what is written on the site. Read the notice board and come later. Some other people told me the queue for tokens begins to form at 7 and they give only 50 tokens.

So much for online procedure!

We in India are moving procedures online and making everything “e” only for the sake of it. E-Governance is a hogwash. Pure bullshit! You want to file IT return online? File the return, download a file and send it by post to Bangalore. When was the last time you sent something by post? I don’t even know where the nearest letterbox is. You don’t want to send it by post then sign it digitally. How do you sign it digitally? You need a digital signature. How to get a digital signature? That’s an offline procedure.

You want to get a marriage certificate? Visit the local municipal office, stand in a queue for a couple of hours, they give you a date after one month. Visit on that date, stand in the queue again for a couple of hours and then they do your procedure and you are told to come again after 15 days to collect your certificate. And when you go to collect the certificate once again stand in a queue, give some chai pani (bribe) and get your certificate! The story is same if you want a ration card, a shop and establishment license, an import export code or anything! Queues, queues and more queues.

Heck even at private establishments the things aren’t ahy better. I needed my signature verification done from my bank which unfortunately is Axis Bank. I visited them last Saturday for the purpose. I was asked to come on Monday. I went on Tuesday morning, I was told the system is down please come at 3. I went back at 3, the lady whom I was interacting with had gone for lunch. I waited 20 minutes and finally got my letter. Axis Bank does not have a set lunch time for the staff so they have to squeeze it in between the working hours. And customers have to wait.

So literally nobody in India gives a fuck about others’ time. Really we Indians just do not value time. We have accepted queues as part of life. Train tickets, movie tickets, bus stand, auto stand, air port security check, store checkout counters, places of worship….queues are everywhere. Heck I have even seen a queue outside jewellery shops! Indians stand in a queue even to buy gold! Even processes that seem online have an offline component. If you buy movie ticket online, you still have to get the actual ticket that will allow you entry in the hall from the ticket counter for which you have to stand in the queue.

Online passport application….yeah right!

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